


Dressed in Black

by SchuylerSister16 (orphan_account)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, I cried while writing this, Oneshot, Philodosia, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SchuylerSister16
Summary: Phillip visits Theodosia before his duel, the aftermath of which is truly tragic





	Dressed in Black

“Phillip, dearest, I don’t think you should go!” Sitting in the parlor of the Burr household was Phillip Hamilton, anxiously telling his girlfriend about his upcoming duel. Theo had been so happy to see him, until he’d told her why.

“Theo, I can do this,” he protested, taking hold of her hands. “My pop and I have got a foolproof plan! It’ll blow over in no time!” Theodosia stood up and nervously paced her parlor in a lavender dress that her father had bought for her. Oh, if her father ever found out she was in love with Phillip, there’d be hell to pay.

“It’s not that you can’t do it,” she said hurriedly. “It’s that you could get hurt!” Theo sat back down on the sofa they were sharing, unhappy with her boyfriend’s impulsive and reckless choice.

“You worry too much,” he laughed, taking a sip of the sherry that Theo had gotten out for him. The look she gave him stopped the glass halfway to his mouth, and nearly stopped his heart.

“Phillip are you out of your mind?!” Never had Theo been more upset with him, not in the year that they’d been secretly seeing each other. “You could be killed!” Phillip had the good sense to wipe the crooked smirk off his face. And she gripped his hand tightly, begging him to write George Eacker an apology or call off the duel.

“I can’t stop now or he’ll think I’m a coward,” Phillip protested once again.  
“Being brave doesn’t mean you go out and get yourself killed,” Theodosia cried, shocking Phillip into silence. She looked to be on the verge of tears, but quickly regained her composure. “You just graduated! And we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us! Why ruin it now over some petty squabble?”

“He insulted my family,” Phillip snapped impatiently. “It’s not just some petty squabble!” The two lapsed into silence. Theo felt powerless to stop Phillip from getting himself hurt, and Phillip felt unable to convince Theo that he was doing the right thing. The grandfather clock chimed. Aaron Burr would be home any minute.

“I really should be going,” Phillip said in a soft voice. Theo grabbed him and kissed him until she felt dizzy. He melted into her, and for just a minute, there was no duel, only Phillip and Theo. But then he pulled away.

“Please be careful,” she begged as he pulled on his coat. “Please.” Phillip promised he would. She kissed him one last time like she’d never see him again. Phillip walked out and the door swing shut, leaving Theodosia alone in the parlor.

_The Next Evening_

“Theo, did you hear the news?” Aaron and Theo were sitting in their dining room, enjoying a pleasant dinner together. Theo asked what news he was referring to, since she’d been home for most of the day.

“The Hamilton’s oldest was killed in a duel,” Aaron explained calmly, in the same tone one might use to discuss the weather. “Shot in the hip and taken to his Aunt Angelica’s house, so they say.” Theo’s fork dropped out of her hands and onto the floor with a loud clatter. Her father said something to her but she heard nothing. She felt faint and nearly slumped over in her chair. Phillip Hamilton could not be dead. Perhaps there was some sort of mistake. Tears began pouring down her cheeks uncontrollably as her father asked what was wrong. Everything was wrong in the world if her Phillip was dead.

“Theo, dearest, are you feeling well?” Theo nodded and mumbled something about going to bed. She climbed upstairs in a blur of tears and fell apart on her bed. Phillip, her fast-talking secret boyfriend, was dead. Grief quickly overwhelmed her and she felt as if she too would die. She sobbed for the better part of an hour and couldn’t bring herself to look at the letters hidden in her loose floorboard. Her father knocked once, saying that he had a letter for her. Without saying a word, he deposited it on her nightstand and left. Theo snatched it up as if her very life depended on it and began to read.

 

 

> _Theo,_
> 
> _If you’re reading this it means I should’ve listen to your advice. Words fail me when I try to say how much I love you, on paper or aloud. You mean more to me than anyone else, and I consider my time with you a blessing. Today I die a happy man knowing that you loved me, but sad knowing that I am leaving you behind. I don’t deserve you, Theo. I never have. Your father was right about that. It pains me to realize I am breaking your heart, Theodosia. Especially since I was going to tell your father I loved you, if I’d survived. You can tell him for us._
> 
> _Affectionately Yours,_
> 
> _Phillip Hamilton_

_Later_

Against her father’s wishes, Theodosia bravely attended Phillip’s funeral at Trinity Church on a very stormy day. She sat down next to Stephen Price, his best friend and second in the duel.

“He spoke so lovingly of you,” Stephen said quietly, his face pale and ashen. Theo was surprised by the crowd of mourners and started to weep when she caught a glimpse of the Hamilton family. There was Eliza, a pillar of strength and three months pregnant, unmoving as tears rolled down her cheeks and splashed to the front of her dress. Beside her was their eldest daughter Angelica, staring vacantly at something no one could see.

Theo couldn’t remember the service if you asked her. All she could remember were two things. The first was clinging to Stephen, who was wracked with survivor’s guilt, as both of them wept throughout the entire service. Neither she nor Stephen would ever speak of it again. The second was that Alexander Hamilton, a mess of grief, had to be held up by his friends throughout the surface. He tried to hold Eliza’s hand, but she gave him a stare that was much colder than the howling storm outside. Instead she clung to Angelica and the two sisters wept together.

Dressed in black, Theo walked home in the rain, the sky wept right alongside her. Her father would be worrying about her. Theo let the rain pour down, washing away her grief and broken heart. Somewhere up there was Phillip, weeping for her as well.

Dressed in black she arrived at home and refused to speak for several days afterwards. Anyone who saw her noticed that she’d taken to wearing black, and refused to wear any colors for another month, when she was ready for color again. Color had left her life since Phillip had died. But she could only wear black for so long. In time, her heart repaired itself and color reentered her life. His letters stayed under the loose floorboard. Her life was colorful again, but never like it used to be.

Dressed in black for the last time, she left all the flowers she could carry at Phillip’s grave in Trinity Church on an unusually warm day. As she walked away she made eye contact with Eliza Hamilton, who had come to visit her son. Nothing was said, and nothing had to be said. Phillip was never coming back. Theodosia was never going back to the days when he was hers and she was his. Those days were buried outside of Trinity Church, laid to rest with her beloved.

Dressed in black for the last time, she returned home to her father and to a life without Phillip.


End file.
